Blogmagazine

Mansion


Every christmas their family got together into the mansion spending the christmas time.
They ate christmas dinner around the table in the large hall, plates kling and humble of the talk filled the hall when they told what was happened to during the year to everybody. They lived away from home allready, but in christmas time they returned to spend few peacefull day and joining themselves.
Dinner was continueing and they moved to another course. It was christmaseve and alltime they glanced at presents those were piled to the big stack in front of huge fireplace where fire was burning on long logs.
Before they started to share presents father allways told them a story. It was different every christmas and changed a little bit year after year when the children grow. Now they were young adults allready and they allways were hurry.
Only Sheila, the oldest of them liven in mansion anymore. Her fionce was in frontlines and she waited still him. The others Paul, Marty, Sarah and Maureen lived away part of the year and joined their lives unmarried, indepentend on their ways. Only John the middle of them was missing. It was war and he was in the frontlines where batlles were racing violent and it was not knowlige when he would return to holiday.
Night started to darkened allready out in the park when father ended the dinner by saying
"Now listen carefully!"
"The one of you who will give a birth to a first child will got the whole property"
It frightened them, raised fear. They stared themselves not believing what they had heard. They beg and ask but father didn't change his mind. It would be happening allready in next christmas they realized by terrified. Then allready would be known who got the property. Again and again they beg and ask but fathers decision fit. But they were still so helplesly young...
"For that has been builded a cottage in to the park so married couples can go in there spending their wedding night."
Discussion ended to that. Little by little they moved to the front of the huge fireplace in the light of the flames sharing their presents.
That was where the race started.
There wasn't no more than a week left to the new year, but when it came were two of them, Paul and Marty allready got married and weddings had been spend.
From somewhere raise a rumour then telling Sheila had slept with a married man and it could'nt kept secrect anymore. Sheila left out of the land then and later gave up the competition. In first days of the new year Sarah and Maureen
also found fionce to themselves and weddings were spend in the mansion.
So the race was continueing equally matched.
February and March went away nervously waiting. John and Derek were also waited to come home but they did'nt arrive.
April came and the first marks of the pregnencies started to be seen all of them four women and the self-confidence started shine out of them.
Of Sarah and his husband Erik, of Maureen and Edgar, Paul and Laura and Marty and his wife Minna. They all think that they will be those who got the first child and the property allthought the winner candinate changed all the time.
Then June came hectic and John came back from the war. He bring with him a young beautiful woman named Mary and then The John of the Mansion got married.
Weddings was spend in the chapel and when the night came they went in to the
cottage spending their wedding night.
It was new then and smelled fresh logs.
People felt for them. They were allready helplesly late but when morning came
was hundreds of people got together in there park hurraying and giving applauses when they came step out of the cottage to the porch smiling happy.
Slowly they walked in to the park and people followed them when servants carriedfood on to the tables on the grass. We spend party in that day in there
summer park for their glory. We sat down on to the grass and ate and drink and John and Mary were in there with us. After we ate people insist John to keep a speak. They hurray and yell until John agree and sat then down. They stood up there middle of us and John was handsome and Mary oh my god but that woman was beautiful! Kind of a beauty by her nature to whom was to be delighted immeadiatly from first look and couldnt stop stearing at.
John speak with loud voice that they loved each other and they hope their first child to be born in it's own time, when it feels right to come to this world. There were hurraying and yelling. Men who were fight with John in the same company were asking if they could use the cottage also in their wedding night.
People quiet down. There were lot of wedding quests but John was stearing at them still and promised that all who wanted could use the cottage in their wedding night. Let it be named Lovers Cot from this moment!
And all the first born childs! Mary spoked, who will born nine months from that night will got their land to their own as borning present!
People humble and stood then up. Started then yell wildly and throw their hats.
That was madnes allready! You see in that time most of the working people lived in rentfarms. They were lands owned by Mansion. They allways had been.
After that the rush in there was so great that there was'nt nights allmost enough. People got married in record speed. All got married, everyone wanted in there spending their wedding night. It was POPULAR, spend a wedding night in there. People were sitting in the park tens of them otherwise also and in weekends they spend party's in there. We went also in there when our time came,
HeljF and I. It was a beautiful time. Erkki was born...
Oh I still cant talk about those people...

In the night
Young and sweet
people dancing in the street
It's a time harvest fest
noone's having got the rest

In the night young and sweet
people arquing between
who's the best who's to win
who's this summers harvester

I said no I let you
I said no I let you
I said no I let you
no I let you
Take my hand and come with me!

I said no I let you
I said no I let you
I said no I let you
no I let you

In the night young and sweet
people dancing by the trees
it's a time harvesting
and the gorgeaus cathering

In the night rose and vine
Battle continues between
who's the best, who's to win
who's tonight is beaty queen

And I'am standing in shadows and frightening the light
Leafs of trees are hiding to me be insight.


You understand. People lived like a last day.
Party's were spend every weekend. John and Mary were in there also.
Drunk's hurt eatch other and who to whom. People owned more and more allready
beforehand. It made them crazy.
I didn't went in there anymore.
I only watched from hide what was going on in there.
Huge fire's burned in the park and people danced around them.
In the middle of those hellish party's Mary gave a birth to a bloody litlle
weakling who died soon after it was born. But she raised that weakling in the
air for the mark of her victory and yelled she had had the first child and people joined to that yelled and yelled and yelled, it was like born of some monster.
It was august then.
Other women still waited pregnant their babys to be born.
It was monsterous.
Then rain started again to falling down and party's were end.
Autumn came and went. Women give a birth to their whealthy baby's but...
October came and November and again it was christmas.
They sat in the mansion's large hall around the long table eating and drinking.
John was in the other end of the table and mary in the other end and all the others in middle on their own places. After they hed ate they moved in the front of the huge fireplace to share their presents. "To Mary" Someone said giving the first present to her. Mary took it and opened it. It was a boxfull of tails father allways told them in christmas time. On top of them was that tail which was saying the one who give a birth to a first child will got the whole property.

All rights reserved
Arto Nieminen

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If you travel this road on your way some day,
if it takes to the same direction you also are travelling,
sooner or later you?ll come under the great oaks.
On the road there are lights and shadows and birds are singing high in the branches.
Laughter rings happily and people seem to be walking further away in the park.
There is a house.
It is big and build out of strong logs.
It has windows that reflect light deep and clean
It is dark and high.
Do you feel its attraction?
Walk closer, that?s how I also did once

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Follow this off branching sandy bath, which travels in the middle of the woods towards it.
Here there are lights and shadows.
You can walk in peace, nobody will bother you here.
The yard opens and flowers are around it.
You can walk to the door of the house and knock on it, greet and smile to the one who opens it.
Without any cause you can enter and stay here for a while, rest.
Walk in these wide rooms and feel that too, think.
What is it? What do you feel?
There has lived a lot of people in this house.
In the kitchen there has been smell of food, voices in the rooms, atmospheres.
In these rooms love has been made. Children have being born here.
And just now, when everything is still at its strongest, the house has being build just a little while ago, in the summer early in the morning, a woman walks by the house on the road.
She has left already early and walked a long way.
Summer is at its bloomest. Trees smell and roses glow blooming around the house and everywhere.
In the sprigs of the great oaks there are lights and shadows. Under the high branches bright voices laughing can be heard.
She just walks on the road passing the house, but that something immediately attracts her anyway.
Anyway it is the man by the road, what finally takes her to the house.
?Morning? he greets the woman who walks on the road towards him.
?Morning? she answers and keeps on going.
?Have you being walking for long already?? He asks.
?Please come to the shadows to rest. I?ll get you something to drink.?
She does not say a thing, just smiles.
She looks into the park, where further away she sees like white skirts glimmering from light and shadow. Sun is shining already risen high. That?s when she assents and when he stretches out his hand, she graphs it while jumping in the grass over the ditch.
Closer to the house. To the shadow of the great oaks.
She sits down close to the black trunk on the grass and he goes into the house to get some water.
She?ll never find out how it happens.
A child runs up to her, graphs from the knees looking for support and for a while the child is standing there wondering her face, surprised eyes, then the voices of others start be heard getting closer and strengthening quickly.
And the birds are singing high in the branches. High, High and when he comes with the glass of water, she listens his voice, talking and even then when she stays for the night, just a few hours away from the village, she does not remember, what it has been?
What made her stay into the house, just for tonight.
?to listen, to watch? Because he asked? If she wants? Just for a few days?
There is no hurry? after all it is summer (stay for a moment)

Woman comes in the dark from her rooms door to the corridor.
She shuts the door behind her and forward in the corridor. Starts to go down the stairs to the dark lobby.
The house is silent. Only outside can be heard the drops dripping on the leaves of the trees, as the rain slowly continues. Woman steps to the kitchen and her eyes widen when she looks towards. She come closer slowly, to walk by to the cupboards, when her hair is suddenly being squeezed to a grip. She fights hard against when the skirt rises of the hips.
Silent, everything happens with no sound, when hand presses head down, forcing her on the table on her stomach.
Exposed organ is moving in the air from one side to another and then is being lead between buttocks.
?and from there slowly?tightly straight inside, starting to move more slippery back and forth.
And it is right in here. It is right in these silent halls, in the sleepy, warm dims of the rooms. Buttocks are shaking from the pushes and semen starts sorely erupt into her, projecting hot into deep. Woman lays silent waiting for it to happen.
Body trembles, movements slow and end totally.
Organ slips out.
Slowly a shadow walks over her, gets off her and stops to the wall opposite freezing there.
In the sunshine they are walking in the park with the other women.
She watches and listens to them. She has bit by bit learned to know them. She smiles back and sees how the eyes glitter back and she laughs with them.
She starts to like them.
That day and the day after, and anymore she can?t remember why?
Why did she stay?
Maybe it was one of them, them women she made friends with? In the beautiful park, it seems to go on endlessly, she walks with her red-haired friend.
Far away, further than ever before. Even the house can?t be seen anymore, and nobody goes that far away.
Cemetery is on the slope and the whole place looks like old-fashioned cemetery, even though it is very beautiful and small.
Graves are mounds and rocks neatly on the slope of the hill in the middle of the woods.
They come to the lawn and sit down on that watching the park and the forest.
The valley blooming and rippling glowing around, dark green and rose red.
Delicate sweeter smell of nectar and pollen is signalling about something deeper meaning of life, its continuance. It agitates, creates sudden thoughts and invites to see more. There is a new world here that grows into the old. Flies, insects, their buzz when they fly in the air. Birds that are flying in the sky, flying from tree to tree and the animals in the plants, unknown species evolving and growing under the peaceful looks.
Weak breeze of the wind loosens some pollen from the flowers and flies it in the air higher, higher to the wide world and the sun is burning glowing white if you look at it even for a moment directly. Sun is moving in the sky reflecting it beams over them through the branches on the trees and they undress themselves naked, it is such a warm day natural to be freely, naked without clothes. Big enormous breasts are shivering when the red-haired woman unfastens her skirt and lets it fall down from her hips.
Woman is staring at the deep dimensions, that are exposed then, continuing wide, shivering surfaces endlessly, leading deep into the shadows, to the thick hair. Breasts and nipples have swollen, extended enormous hanging heavy, when the woman sits naked in front of her on the grass.
And something really attracts her under the bare blue sky when she bends down and womans hips rise up from the grass a bit, when she leans herself so that she could get it closer to her mouth.
Huge swollen teat and the nipple in the middle. Light small drop of liquid is flowing from it.
She looks the red-haired directly into eyes and the woman, her friend is radiating warmth. It can be felt in the air and she feels hand stroking her hair and how the other woman is shaking all over for the pleasure of getting lighter while she is sucking.
They watch her own without milk glowing breasts and the other woman is feeling her lips gently touching with her finger.
And tells her that soon.
Now it?s just summer.
Next spring, maybe then she would give birth to a baby and it would be born easy and healthy.
And they talk about everything for a long time, delighted about each others company sitting on the grass, and neither of them feel a shame of themselves.
Later, when one woman is giving birth.
You can hear it all over the house, when she screams.
Oh it has lasted already so long, is it never going to end?
That woman gives birth to her third child and every time for her it has taken a long time.
At last in the dark night later
Everything is quiet.
She listens to the house.
That deep silence in the dark, sensing it while being awake by herself.
Until the morning gleam slowly starts to light up the room.
Only then she lays her head on the pillow and finally falls asleep. That woman is free now, in the kitchen, next morning when the men are sitting close to her and she is naked.
Red skin glowing, when men stroke her buttocks , drinking from her breasts one after another.
Carefully at first because they are still so sensitive, and she is watching from the shadows by the door how the woman by the table can?t help but grunting for pleasure while mouth is sucking. The birth went well, the woman is already in her strength. No love making yet, but soon when the worst time has passed.
Staring from the door furtively, she is watching agitated, but not knowing why she is crying.
Her stomach is starting to grow. They are looking at her.
She can feel all men walking closer when meeting her.
In the house or out there and she starts to know why.
It?s the milk.
Those men want her milk!
She thinks about that for long.
Yes?
Why not? There is plenty of it, after all her breasts are big naturally, and when they fill up with milk?

Not by taking from the growing nature
Not by killing other animals
Not by destroying the life of others, neither plants nor animals.
And that I?d think first, much before that that I do becomes real
Those everyday things that has an effect on the atmosphere of the house.
Somehow here it has become real and even without yet knowing for sure why?
she quesses.
Child is screaming when it’s being born.
Easily finally in the end.
Violent contractions and hard pain for a moment and then the head is out and a shoulder and soon another too and it comes out totally.
Alive ! Healthy !
Her children in her arms and breasts open. They start dripping milk and it is seen on those who are watching them.
It has become into their eyes.
It is her milk.
The child is groping after the breast and she gives it into its little mouth and it starts sucking.
And with its birth the days start to pass by inadvertently.
Spring turns into summer and everything starts to bloom again. A beautiful sunshine is warming outside in the park and bird singing can be heard all the way inside.
And slowly this most beautiful summer goes by sultry, until it finally changes to fall.
Clouds cover the sky grey and the raining starts.
Black earth froze all around and days shorten to dim moments of light.
Then white snow covers the ground and the cold arrives.
And when the time goes by, so long that even the memory of the summer is gone, the earth starts to warm up again., new spring starts and new summer and that’s the way it keeps on going further on. Children grow up and new children are being born and everything gets its own track of life.
The woman is standing in the kitchen early in the morning , long skirt pulled up and shirt open, breasts exposed while they are being drank out of.
She waits patient, stroking hair while mouths suck. Lips press against the nipple… and the milk is flowing warm into the mouths.
And after all have finished drinking, when even the last one has raised its head, hands have loosened from the waist, breasts and buttocks, she closes her shirt and buttons it up, turns to look out of the window to the lawn.
There they run, children, hers too…
The wind brings fresh air swinging curtains lazily
A woman is walking on the street, a stranger just walking by the house. She is watching with curiosity for a long time…
And still she can recognise something similar in that stranger than in herself
But it still isn’t her either, it is just a memory of what she once used to be, early in the morning walking towards the village.

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It’s night
In a dark field it’s windy
Sky is star bright and open above
She is standing beside watching it
Blond hair, familiar beautiful fine features
Eyes are glimmering watching up
(And this moment should never end)
Sky above curves full of stars and his hand engages warm to own.


”They are much closer now
I can see a lot new figures
Over there as well, like a big ship…”
Billions spots of light answer glimmering back small and alive.

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It is quiet for a long time
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”I love you…”
He turns pressing tightly
against chest.

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Whilst her being in her ninth month, expecting her third child, she leaves the house at night and walks with nobody noticing or having time to prevent her to park and away from the house garden.
She walks forward until the park also ends and the forest starts. There she keeps on going in the forest between trees crying out loud. No, no she is not a runaway no, maybe she has something in her relationship that could be better , but that is not the reason. From somewhere she gets power to walk throughout the night, until in the brake of the dawn she arrives to a small open in the woods.


There she gives birth alone to a healthy child in the forest brook.
When the morning mist is rising it comes out and then the afters running into the water.
She cuts the umbilical cord with her teeth and then ties it firmly.
Then she pours water upon it and dries it off, sits with it in her arms watching the forest waking up to morning
She waits until the baby has eaten and is asleep.
Then she wraps the baby inside her shirt and lays it gently on the lawn..
She goes into the stream and washes herself…
…dries up and gets dressed…
Then she takes her baby and her bundle and starts to walk slowly towards the field.
In the moist grass walking, away from the house.


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It was cold windy November evening.
We were on our way towards the theatre, Lisbeth, Maria and me.
It was the premier of ”The Estate”, the all time longest and most successful play ever in this town.
We were running along the road, we were already a little late when we arrived to the light lobby of the theatre and the wind and humour were left behind. There was a lot of people in the lobby and we really had to push our way until we were able to leave our jackets on the coat rack and were able to get to the more peaceful area.
I quickly started to get on the mood when we were walking forward in the crowd. It was that kind of excitement that something classy was coming. Suddenly the door on the edge of the lobby bang open and I saw a clown running with all his four limbs storming into the lobby, scaring people with his screams.
“I KNOW THE MURDERER! I KNOW THE MURDERER!” It screamed running and making people give way stunned and right after it two guards were rushing.
“I KNOW THE MURDERER! HE IS…” Just when he was about to say the name other guard almost got a hold of him and he had to dive away between people…
Me, Lisbeth and Maria were standing near by and I saw under the clown mask a young mans facial features were showing. Suddenly he looked at me and I could see him starting to say the murderers name. I freaked out, I didn’t want to hear that, but then he already had to run away from the guards and he couldn’t shout anymore. Men were all the time chasing him towards the door he had came out from, run away from some whirlpools of the house.
Suddenly the clown lost his temper. He started to run laughing wildly amongst people.
Some men were asking him the murderers name with cigarettes in their hands but he didn’t have time to stop. He had to dodge all the time not to get caught on the out stretching hands and soon he was not laughing any more, on the contrary, he looked more unease. He was all the time panting that name but could not inhale enough air and guards were all the time able to chase him closer to the door and then the clown started shouting ”TERRIBLE, IT IS TOO TERRIBLE! HE IS…” And that’s when the guards pushed him out of the door and the sentence ended into a terrible scream that was cut of suddenly as the door slammed shut.
People in the lobby were left standing and looking confused, some smiling hesitatingly, men stiff like nodding, before they could get a hold of the idea again and then the doors already open upstairs on the upper end of the stairs. Huge double doors were now wide open and people started to get up the stairs on a dark red carpet. We searched and found our place high in the auditorium and started to take off our coats.
We sat down and watched the hall.
This was, not exactly the first time in a theatre, but first time in here, in the biggest and the most famous and it really was huge. I could hardly see the people on the other side of the hall. Then the lights slowly started to darken and go out fully and the curtains started to withdraw aside.
I won’t start to tell the story of the play here any more, we already know that beforehand, but that I’ll say that it again succeeded to surprise with its denouement.
When the play had finished and all the actors were standing on the stage with their flowers and people were applauding fanatically, exited and hot, actors returned on the stage once again, bowed and curtains started to close, that’s when the voice of the announcer was heard. “LADYS AND GENTLEMEN. TONIGHT GIVES HIS FAREWELL TO THIS THEATHER A GREAT ACTER, GREAT PERSON, CAMERON B!
HE HAD TIME… HE HAD TIME AMONGST HIS OTHER BIG ROLES TO PLAY THREE DIFFERENT PARTS ON THIS PLAY AND WAS INVOLVED IN NEARLY EVERY TIME IT WAS PERFORMED IN THE PAST 15 YEARS. THIS PLAY BECOME THE MOST DEAREST TO HIM AND WITH IT HE ALSO IS SAYING HIS FAREWELLS TO US TONIGHT, BUT ONCE AGAIN IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, THE LEGENDARY CAMERON B!”
Overbearing applause fill up the whole hall, after all he was even today on the leading role absolutely brilliant and now he is suddenly finishing his career.
Applause quieten down and end totally.
Everybody was now concentrated watching a lonely grey-haired man, who was standing in front of the curtains on the stage. I was watching him extremely closely.
He looked kind of old already, but some kind of charisma there was in him anyway.
He just stood there and waited for that one signal that would tell him it was exactly the right time to start, that kind of ability that only rare have, only the best.
Still a long time passed during which he didn’t say a word or even raise his eyes.
In the audience there started to evolve small movement, he can’t reach us now I thought, no, something’s wrong.
Ether his voice can’t reach all the way here or then there is something wrong with the sound system.
“Can’t it be heard here well enough?” I asked Lisbeth who looked at me for a long time.
He kept on standing still. Then a long time passed and nothing happened.
We started to get a little bit bored, the play was good, but this…
People started bit by bit to move uncomfortably and talk around and when even more time passed, overall racket increased and people started getting up and put on their coats.
Isn’t this going to work at all?
The old man on the stage showed people to stay still and quieten, but he did nothing else after that and people slowly started to get up everywhere.
“AN OLD MAN ALREADY” I heard somebody say with a clear voice behind us and people laughed and turned to see.
Unbelievable! This man who just a while ago acted so perfectly is now standing there, with an insecure expression on his face and shows with his hands that silence, I ask for silence.
But the faith has already disappeared from his face and people are racketing even more.
People stood up in front of us too and started to put on their coats.
We were still sitting in the audience trying to see to the stage.
There that man already looked so common, just an ordinary man without any charisma, clearly doubting himself too. People started bit by bit glide up towards the doors and then the atmosphere started changing.
It started from the front of the audience, where people quieten and turned to look at the stage.
Mumble stopped immediately.
It ended as soon as it rose higher in the audience.
I saw it raising like a wave and then it already reached us too and we started to feel strange feelings.
Bitterness, strong anger for some reason I could not understand.
It came again and again like a wave, until it changed to almost unbearable.
Then the feeling started to change little bit happier, on and on to funnier.
It started to make us smile.
Among the audience you could hear laughter, spurts of laughter even desultory whistling.
And then slowly, it changed more beautiful, a lot more beautiful and the audience gave in.
It started clapping.
It believed already!
It already thought that this man was totally defeated, but he showed that not!
No! This is how you make theatre, this it is at its very best. It’s like somebody else’s feelings got a hold of you and would carry you like guided by some spell until…
Like confronting something spectacular, new and incomprehensible that would never be forgotten. That man was now showing his power.
Not until now people believed.
Applause kept on getting stronger and it didn’t seem to end at all.
We, Lisbeth, Maria and me, had to leave in the middle so we would catch the last bus, but people still stayed there clapping even we left.


Next day. I’m lying home on my bed and reading.
I’ve been eating peanuts for the whole day and now I’m as full as I can be.
My stomach has swollen to an enormous ball.
I’m glancing through the pages of the papers and throwing them on the floor whilst I’m finished with them.
Then I just lie there staring the bare ceiling on top of me, without even thinking about anything.
I’m 15 years old.
I close my eyes and my thoughts fly.
They return to yesterday night.
I remember people performing that play in the bright lights, until the curtains close and then that man standing alone on the stage.
Then something happened. Feelings, I remember feelings, so intense and real that you just went along with them without being able to stop it, like to some other world and life.
Extraordinary weird feelings even if nothing like that ever happened.
Just that man standing alone on the stage and those feeling's that continuously travelled through me.
It was miraculous and at the same time, scary.
Something you shouldn’t even experience in your lifetime.
I turn on my back and stare at the ceiling.
I would like to be something like that too.
Do something miraculous and extraordinary.
What kind of abilities do I have?
I start to think about the skills and tendencies that I’ve noticed myself having, but nothing special comes to mind.
I again start to feel the same every-day boredom.
I turn around slowly and stare in front of me into the room.
The atmosphere has changed.
I do not know why, but now I feel the pain of living. It tries to take over me and I’m just so young.
I feel like I should cry but I can’t.
I don’t know, what this could be, life is so...
Painful just now
Then slowly it goes away.
I notice I have been able to squeeze out couple of tears and again the similar every-day emptiness that I felt earlier takes over me.
What happened in here?
For the first time ever I’m thinking about anything of this kind.
Could I be mistaken about my feelings?
I memorise all kinds of things and try to figure out the moments earlier, but I can’t clearly reach it.
I’m just laying here and turning the pages of the movie-magazine deep in my thoughts.
The texts and the images flash and I’m totally in an other world.
That’s when I see an image of him and suddenly I know how he did it.
I get out of the bed and enormous enthusiasm fills my mind when I start to walk around in the room.
I see all the enormous possibilities opening in front of me and I bravely step forward the next step in my imagination towards success.


On next Saturday is the first show.
I have booked all morning to it and placed flyers all around.
On the kitchen door, down the stairs on the notice board, and onto Lisbeth’s and Maria’s schoolbags.
Even some relatives are coming to our house and there probably will be on the highest estimation 20 people.
And now they are already coming...
All around in the apartment, our home is people.
Some chairs have been placed into the living room and I have kept very secret what this show is about.
Just a shirt and a skirt on, I’m ready for the show from which a whole historical series of success is about to begin.
And here really is alot of people. The Heinonen family next door, Erkki and Liisa, whom for some reason have arrived and are looking at me evaluating.
Mum and dad, there’s my cousin, grandpa and grandma, Lisbeth and Maria, my little brother and his friends, Katri Ronkanen who is 17 and lives one floor down and all of them are looking at me and wondering what will I do.
I’m secretly in my mind very anxious and I feel like I’m going to succeed.
At 12 a clock everybody are already sitting in the living room on the chairs, in four rows and chatting and talk can be heard. I stand behind a corner in the kitchen and still wonder hastily those words I’ll say first.
Then it becomes quiet in the living room and mother shows me a signal and I come from behind the corner to the front.
I walk in front of them and begin.
“OI THIS PAIN” I hold my stomach with my hand and swing with my other hand the air in front of me.
“OI OI THIS PAIN” I say again and look at them but they do not yet know what I mean.
Then it reaches the first row and the faces change, eyes widen and glance starts to wander. Then the second row
And the third and the atmosphere have overtaken the whole room.
“OI OI THIS PAIN OI OI!”
I say and press my stomach with my hand.
I know that everybody understands what I mean.
“ I WOULDN’T HAVE BELEAVED ON THE MORNING OF MY LIFE"
I speak with a clear voice casting my glance with significance on the feet of the first row.
My mother is staring at me with a desperate look on her face and now I know I have them under my power.
Father is coughing and pulling his collar with strength looking unhappy and my little brother is hiding behind the ones sitting in front. “I DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO MAKE IT” They rice their eyes to look at me.
“IF I DIDN’T HAVE LOVE”
I press with my hand a couple of times just to make sure and bow and then something happens that I hadn’t taken under consideration and nearly reveals me.
Luckily first in the first row there are grandma and grandpa who are already nearly deft and when I take a quick glance secretly on them I realise they haven’t noticed anything.
I straighten up and start taking the applause with my face burning and smiling happy.
Mother gets up, comes to me and hugs me so hard I’m nearly crushing.
Others get up too with chairs rattling and flashlight flashes.
Everybody tries to see me and I wave my hand once more and run back to the kitchen. I immediately go to the toilet, lock the door and look at myself in the mirror.
I see a cheerful reddish and burning face from which a stable and bright eyes and maybe their expression in a bit more experienced, slightly older.
It was close, very close that I did not reveal myself, I think in my mind.
I have to be a lot more conscientious the next time.
I sat on the toilet for a wee and think about it at the same time.


Later, after thinking it through for long, I made myself a certain kind of nozzle.
It was made out of a plastic elbow shield and it was some kind of muffler.
After that everything worked out very well.
Yes, a series of success really started from it.
Now when I look back on those times, I really started to change on those days slightly onto something bigger. To something that had power over the ordinary things, even over humans.
There was something magical about it that made them respect me and feel probably some kind of primitive fear and I must say, I guess I was also a little bit afraid of it back then too.
But the excitement was always stronger and it took me away with it to live in my role and it took away them too, my viewers, my audience over and over again.
First on the little Christmas party for the handicrafts club, where my mother took me, then for the first time on a real stage, in front of the cheering organisation men, invited by Eki Heinonen.
Success was gained, but at this time it was a whole lot more difficult. The hall was bigger and wider and wind was blowing in there.
Maybe somebody left a door open on the side of the room or a window was open, but the atmosphere nearly started to fade away and disappear from time to time and I had to press my stomach really often saying “Oh this pain” to make it stay sensible. Faster and more often that I would find it appropriate for the artistic influence.
But they seemed happy.
I had expanded my program adding a beautiful part that got it nuance from my childhood and was related to the first memories in my life.
On that I raise my hands to the air and sing a song that people remember me singing already in the cradle and I have to say that the wind become helpful then. Atmosphere was able to sort of clear out and lighten in that part faster before the “No this pain” started again with the stomach pressing and all. But that’s that for the technique issues.
I got as a reward a hundred and I bought a new skirt for the show with it.
The rest of the money I saved into a locked box where I kept my nozzle and other little secrets.
It was in a bookshelf among other things and I always kept it locked and the key hidden but anyway it happened, that one day I got into my room and saw my little brother standing in front of the bookshelf, holding the nozzle in his hand under his nose sniffing it. The box on the shelf was open.
“WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING ?!”
I shouted and went quick and pulled it out of his hand.
He was just looking at me no thoughts in this end, with a facial expression and turned then and left the room. I closed the door and looked at the nozzle in my hand.
I didn’t know what to think.
If he would have found it out somehow by smelling...?
No, I didn’t think he was able to connect it with the performances.
But where has he got the key?
Oh yeah...now I remembered...
I had left it on the box when running to the telephone and then left out straight away with Lisbeth.
And during he had come in here and opened the box and...
Well, I doubt there was any danger, now it didn’t chance anything.
But that was already my second mistake, I had to be even more careful.


The next performance took place on Monday at home.
There was Grandpa, Grandma, mother, brother, Lisbeth and Lady Heinonen.
No more came now and I had to except that.
The performing reward was this time 50;
I prepared myself throughout by dressing into my new skirt and going through the words.
For the whole morning I had been eating peanuts, which I had noticed helping me to create the performance.
I had also thought a lot what to say.
I had tried to clear it out even more.
I thought that maybe I could somehow teach people a new way of life.
That I could guide them to enjoy its lovely hidden sides, but it was all still unfinished. Now the audience was already waiting for me and I was ready to perform that what I anyway could.
Then on the installing moment of the nozzle I noticed it was gone.
I immediately knew my brother had it of course, he was somehow fond of it.
He even had to open the box by force to be able to get it...
I wouldn’t have believed...
Well, I after thinking about it for a minute understud the danger that the performance now involved, but I was a real artist. I was well prepared and I was going to perform the show in any case and try to be careful of too much pushing and bending.
So once again I was standing behind the corner waiting for the audience to settle on their seats.
Then after getting the sign I stepped forward with confidence, made a certain gesture with my hands, turned around once and faced the audience. “OI HOW IT HURTS, OI HOW IT HURTS!”
Mother already got up from her seat in panic, but I kept the performance going and she sat back down.
I made a solid waving movement with my hands and it was new that I was singing at the same time...
“ ...AGAIN THE JOY TAKES OVER ME... IT TAKES ME OVER...!”
I pressed my stomach with rhythm and then a sound was to be heard I thought nobody heard.
Any case I noticed how grandpa suddenly straightened his head staring towards the corridor, head twisted and eyes rolling behind his thick glasses.
I made a few movements and couple of jumps and moved smoothly to the next part.
“ OI THIS PAIN, OI THIS PAIN!”
And the atmosphere was ready, the words stroke like a hammer on a glowing red iron.
Their faces were burning sweet red, totally serious believing everything, everything! It was lovely to see!
I pressed my stomach more often and create an atmosphere that already stood them up to stand to look at me.
“ OI OI THIS PAIN OI OI!” I was striking the last nail that made them squeeze their eyes tightly closed and turn their faces upwards and I could see that mum and Heinonen had a tear in their eye.
“ It is farting” Grandpa said looking onto the side, with his head twisted. He was tuning the hearing instrument that he was holding in his other hand.
I looked at him stunned.
A hearing instrument...?!
But he never had one of those before...!
...and of course it had the volume tuning, that’s why he could hear so damn clearly every single sound.
“ Do it again” Grandpa said facing the instrument towards me.
“WELLIWON’TNOWANYMORESTARTDOINGWHENITESPECIALLYWAITINGFORIT!!!” I shouted into the hearing instrument and walked out of the room.
“ What did it say?” Grandpa asked and mother stood up following me, but I had already closed and locked the door to my room and lied down on the bed.
I could hear mother coming behind the door and trying the handle.
She was talking to somebody over there.
“ ...She has eaten something, that’s what’s causing it...”
Then they slowly walked further away and finally the voices quieted down. I knew that the quests had left.
I was lying on my back and watching the ceiling.
I didn’t feel a thing.
A huge collapse in my life didn’t accrue, just a slight confusion about that everything ended already in such an early stage...
I was already giving them something...
I had my message that I thought was important and I tried to say it to them in my own way.
A little bit more faith and joy to grandpa too but no...
no ...
I was nibbling the tassel on my blanket in my thoughts and looked at the ceiling.
Sun was making reflections on it and they were moving beautifully creating strange images on the shadows.
Slowly the day passed by.
I got to be in privacy for the whole day.
Finally the evening darkened and a silent scratching could be heard when the nozzle was pushed under the door and fell on the floor.
I let it stay there and didn’t pick it up to take it with me until I went into kitchen to make some sandwiches.
Everybody else was in the living room watching TV.
I returned to my room and lied down on the bed.


The night came.
I sat on my own watching the stars in the sky...
They shine bright and unreachable on their own places in a black wall, far away on the other side of the space.
From there they twinkle beautiful, beautifully winking only to me...

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Arto Nieminen